Today I Was Attacked By My Own shoes, and Other First World Problems.

Today started well. I got up late, and whilst frantically throwing on clothes that didn’t need ironing, I unexpectedly decided upon a fancy pair of shoes that  I had brought years ago, but had only recently been rediscovered whilst moving house. Abandoned and strewn carelessly at the back of my wardrobe, they seduced me away from my old reliable brown boots. In my excited haste I put these fabric treasures on my feet, fluffed my hair and arranged my music ( Cyndi Lauper and MIA coming into my ears) I then began my rush to the office. I was making good time and foolishly began feeling good about myself, hell yeah! floaty skit and heels, looking preeeetty darn good there shug. Suddenly  out of no where it began.  The heel carnage.

The vamparic shoes, in order to keep their brand new shoe like beauty, needed a sacrifice  and that fleshy gift had to be in their callus minds, the backs of my heels. 

The wankers. 

10 minutes away from work and neither half way up nor down, I had a choice to make. This choice I decided was work,and so on my tippy toes, critically balanced in a pair of navel wedges, I carefully hobbled to work using the mantra “it’s only pain”.

When I got to work bedraggled and battle scared, my co workers were amazing and provided plasters.

 

It was in the bathroom as I was cleaning my feet that I remembered why they had been at the back of the wardrobe in the first place. 

Thrown angrily and heartbroken one friday early morn as I hobbled in, numb from medicinal alcohol you understand ( no really, these shoes really are carnivorous) and swiftly forgotten about. Today they sort their revenge. 

The moral of this boring but mainly therapeutic blog post?

Just throw those fucking shoes away when you know they hurt no matter how pretty they are.

 

And now for a selection of the crazy ass things I found on the internet whilst I should of been sorting flat section.

Part one.

Seriously, am I witnessing a kitty rape? Should I call someone or is this like, you know, their “thang”?

 

Me to David, me too.

 

 

erm..

 

We all laugh now but we all know there is nothing more annoying then when a dildo over takes you.

 

 

Cats.

Art.

 

 

 

NOOOOOOO!

 

 

Ok that’s enough internet for now people, let go to the bed, can the last one out turn the lights off please? 

 

Night, night BBz BP xX

 

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