Today I am feeling pretty depressed. I know, I know, I usually play such a jazzy tune on here, but sometimes I do allow some self indulgence regarding my life as I do think it is good to be a teeny bit selfish now and then, as I feel it prevents mental break downs. Trust me though, I already know I have won the game of life simply by being born in west, thus meaning I have a home, education and food…and well, the western toilets are freaking grrreat compared to those on the other side of the world. That fact alone keeps me smiling some days… Anyhow I digress… So yes, I’m feeling pretty bummed.

So what is causing my dissatisfaction? Well…I just want to be great you know? I just want to be amazing. I want to be able to transcend where I am and get better, and better and better. Sadly, life gets in the way and sacrifices need to be made ( being an army wag does not help either I guess, but why begrudge the good things I have in life?!) Basically, I want to work in a job role that I love again, that I can’t stop going on about and am always studying for. Sadly, the companies of the world just won’t bloody let me.

“you’re not technical enough” they say. “Well train me then!” I reply. Seriously you can hire all the “technicals” in the world but you cannot train this personality or work ethic into a person, so take me while you can!

“You need more experience” is the response “Well look at what I have achieved in the time I have been working! ” I reply Ie. Seriously people, give me the job and I’ll NAIL it, the CV says what I can do and what can be thrown at me.

“do this insane presentation for your interview” ” god why, just why?” I respond

So here I am working on my zillieth presentation, for a role that does not make me sparkle inside. The roles that do make me sparkle inside are always what I am looking up at from the gutter.

But I promise, I dragged my way out of stoke,  survived Shrewsbury and the work shit that thrown there and hauled ass down to London town…I promise you that this woman is going to make her own freaking space ship if she has to,  and my god when she does, just hope the world is ready. Because I am baby, I was born ready. Now where is my greatness?

Bp Xx