Warning – I will be discussing periods in this post. If that upsets or offends you, please do fuck off now. Thanks!

I happen to be very educated in Horoscopes**, mainly as my Grandmother adored them and used to buy every magazine she could on the subject which in turn, I used to devour every evening after school. I am also partial to an almanac because of her interest in the mystic world and buy one every year, in fact I brought my 2019 one the other day – make of that fact what you will.

For those curious, I am a Pisces with a Sagittarius rising and a Pisces moon  (who is looking for an emotionally available Capricorn*, will settle for not emotionally available Capricorn, a Taurus and/or all water signs, apply via contact form or on the astral plane or just a bar – I’m pretty chilled about it all as well, I’m a Pisces!)

Anyho – I digress, as the type of Horoscope I want to be discussing today is a Hormone Horoscope. “What is a Hormone Horoscope?” I hear you cry! Well dear reader, it’s something that I have been using to help understand my mental health better. The best part is that you can get it as an app for your phone and it’s free. (see below for recommended apps) 

“Hormone horoscope that reveals what your day will be like based solely on the ups and downs of the hormones in your monthly cycle”

One of the joys of being born with a womb is that you get to have your period every few weeks which not only do you have to pay for – because gushing blood every month is super fun and worth every pink tax penny. It can also ruin many a fine pair of underwear as well as play havoc with one’s mental health, its the gift that keeps on giving. Especially, if you’re partial to the odd change in ones level of oestrogen and other lovely chemicals [Spoiler alert] I really, really am. Such an over achiever, I know. 

I am a firm believer in speech therapy and have found talking at someone for a whole hour at a time has actually helped me get to grips with what is actually going on in that beautiful little brain of mine. Sometimes, the councillor even gets to talk back (usually when I am drawing breath) and offers really useful advice. Which is how I discovered this amazing app. My councillor wanted me to begin tracking when I felt at my most anxious and depressed making sure to mark off the dates whilst referring to this app to help figure out how much my mood is affected by hormones and how much is my brain chemistry.

Now, I am not saying that all my issues are directly connected to my hormones  but they do add to my stress levels if certain things are lower in my system when I am going through a very anxious or depressive phase. Having some insight on when certain items will be low in my body has helped spot patterns of behaviour, as well as make sure I can perform better self care on myself. When my horoscope is “You should be brighter and breeze today as you have high oestrogen in your system” and I am having high anxiety and potentially a little depressive cry as I ponder the bleakness of the void, I can mark that off in my calendar and spot the actual issues with my brain chemistry.

Where as before I could have blamed ye old crimson wave for my low mood, I can now spot when there is something concerning and thus should see a professional. When in doubt, do seek a professional out.

Recommended apps:

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/hormone-horoscope-lite/id710914595?mt=8

https://www.myhormonology.com/hormone-horoscope-app-classic/

Fabulous Long read:

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/8qwpja/i-used-my-hormones-as-a-horoscope-and-it-worked

I recommend all my beautiful period having friends get the app , especially if you’re having mental health struggles as it really does help you get a grip of what is happening to you biologically. You’re welcome! 

Let me know what you think below or on ze social media channels…. Until next time beautiful people, stay sassy!

*Sniggers. Ok, Ok is there actually an example of an emotionally available Capricorn? Thought not..(love you really Capricorns…call me!)

**I’m a complete atheist so appreciate the fun of Horoscopes and am aware that there is no science behind them…and *yet* you gotta admit a lot of people are the stereotype of their sign. I’m 100% Pisces and OMG that is as traumatic as it sounds.