Hi Huns,

I am currently lying on my bed with deep heat rub on my stomach as I can’t find the hot water bottle or pain killers, feeling sorry for myself. Yip, it’s that time of the month and yip, I am as irritable as hell. The best thing about this whole experience is the overwhelming despair I’ve had for three days. Hu-fucking-rah. Therefore, rather than allow myself to fall into the hormonal (or maybe emotional, ala my last post – we can never be too sure these days) pit of despair, I thought I’d make myself feel better by laying here on my bed in my flowing bathrobe surrounded by both cats – like the old Victorian lady I really am and share some life lessons with you beautiful creatures.

Today’s life lessons are about how to attempt to stop hurting yourself and not allowing other fuckers to do so. Basically, how to not “chase the pain”- which is something I am no professional in but happen to be the super, bestest, greatest, so “good I got a masters in it”, at chasing within my own life. What can I say, I gotz skillz.

So, what is chasing the pain? Sometimes in life situations such as jobs, relationships and friendships, we stay in situations that are not healthy for us. It’s where we encourage and allow/repeat negative behaviours which then begin to rule our lives. Where we allow ourselves to believe the negative thoughts or even, seek out more as we feel safer being disappointed more than we do on moving forward. Below are a few examples of red flags which you may be able to spot in your own behaviours and how you can change your future actions or even, just leave the situation. I start a bit light hearted but my god, its true!

If it makes you consult your tarot deck/horoscope/any other “clarity craft” about this subject more than once a month, it’s probably not the best thing for you

“Will they come back into my life?”

“Will they finally give me a pay raise after two years”…

“Are they going to get their comeuppance”

You know exactly what I am talking about, Susan – if you’re seeking clarity on a situation you are in from elsewhere, then go find something/someone else that wants to keep you informed, enlightened and appreciated without resorting to constantly seeking third party.. If you have to attempt to make sense of the actions of something or someone constantly, then the subject you’re asking for advice on is probably a massive bellend rather than anything else at play in the situation. You should always know where you stand.

If it makes you cry, it’s not a healthy situation to be in.

Honestly, anything that makes you shed tears regularly isn’t a perfect partner, dream job or best friend. It’s something that is ruining your chances of being happy and being the best you can be. If I thought I made anyone ugly face cry, I’d be a broken woman. Causing emotional damage is never good and anyone who treats people’s feelings like that are basically, walking human buttholes.
Please note if you work in a kitchen with lots of onions, you have a loop here and can jump to the next tip.

Social stalking isn’t smart

Yes, checking their social media will help you know what your former bestie/lover is up too and that they are alive but we all know it’s going to hurt your little heart when you see them actually happy without you – If they actually cared they would be in touch and as they uploaded pictures from their phone onto their feed – you know it ain’t broke, boo. It’s brutal and I’ve been there and it aches but you know I speaketh the truth.

I’ve had so many friend call me in tears over doing this and of course I’ve done it myself (ok, ok, a lot – consider me an emotional scab picker) and it always hurts. The worst part? How your imagination will then hurt you more than anything else you see on their accounts imaging what they are up too or even worse imagining false knowledge –

“They can’t be happy? I know how sad they really are!”
“They look miserable with them”

The cold hard truth I’ve had to tell them, and myself – If they wanted you in their life, you’d be in their feed and not someone else. Maybe they are those things but either way, you’re not the person they have let know about it. I’m sorry it hurts, poppet.

It’s the same for jobs. If you’ve moved on stop stalking old co-workers or former employers – the only competition you should have is with yourself. So what if they are doing good? You have plenty of time to build your brand and make the career you want to happen.

Now, go make new adventures and take fabulous pictures make positive memories to populate your life and feed with. The best revenge is to live well.

If you’re always waiting to be a priority, you are not and are never going to be a priority.

This is pretty hard to learn and live but it’s so true. If they wanted to keep you on the team they would show you and not offer excuses or false promises. If they saw you as an important friend they would take a second to text back if they knew you were in trouble/sad/acknowledge that you’d tagged them in a very fucking funny meme. If they want to be with you, they will make it known – relationships where someone is always sitting, waiting and wishing are heartbreaking and usually only for one person. What I do know about love is that if it’s true, they would be upset to ever make you feel unimportant, it’s present when it’s with you and it doesn’t go anywhere.

Look after that muscle of yours, it’s a sacred gift to give to anything in your life. Don’t give it to those who don’t appreciate it.

If it makes you doubt yourself and be challenged in a negative way constantly – go,go,go!

The biggest critic in your life is actually you, so don’t allow that inner critic to be fed by other negative energies. I have left jobs because of this and it was a hard lesson to learn. Where as before I’d try to be nicer to the bitch, I’d work later to get the project done (even though they over sold it and knew the team couldn’t do it without unpaid over time) I’d do two jobs at once… now I call out crap and vote with my feet. Going freelance can be life changing!

The same should be in relationships. I was in a mentally abuse relationship a long time ago and my God, what those people can do to the strongest of minds and the kindest of hearts. If someone spends all day tell you how shit you are, they are the failure, not you. If you’re that bad why do they bother? Why can’t they be supportive? Just don’t even try to please these people, just leave – anyone who says you would be nothing without them is wrong. I can 100% tell you that you will in fact be sad at first and then happier and stronger than you have ever been before. Listen to me kid, I got ya back. You’re gonna be ok.

Anyway, I am now off to cry/laugh as I watch Will and Grace and drink tea whilst simultaneously hating and loving being a woman at the same time.

Ps. if any of you are in any negative situations and needs support get in touch as I have a list of fabulous support groups and channels which I am more than happy to share

Pps. I’ve found doing daily affirmations also really helps!