So This Is Christmas…and I will make you feel normal ( now magazine won’t as it’s crap)

Well hello there my darlings!

How was Christmas, good? Bad? Ugly? Look, I ain’t judging if the only way you managed to cope is through copious amounts of booze or online shopping. I get it. I too have a family, and I know it can feel like WW3 when your all get together.

My Christmas was fabulous ( thank you for asking!) and I had a great time with the BP family getting trollied on Turkey and any alcohol we could find.

If you had a rubbish Christmas, booo urns! I am sending love and hope that you have a better one next year…

So I know I have been a bit quiet as of late but it has mainly been down to my new job and the fact that I live in London, my family is up north and my Partner is in the armed forces, therefore, my free time is minimal or spent on the tube getting annoyed at other fellow commuters. 

As it Christmas I need to provide you with a Christmas rant ( I know how you all love my inarticulate rants) So what caught my eye today was a post by blogger English mum on facebook, which is of the latest NOW! Magazines cover.

*trigger warning* – you will want to punch someone in the face.

Look, I will keep this brief. WOMEN IN PUBLISHING YOU NEED TO STOP POLICING WOMEN’S BODIES.

Secondly, women of the world, there is nothing “normal” about putting other women down to make you feel “normal“. In fact, that is the absolute height of being fucked up and makes you weak, insecure and a bully. Before you argue, think of all the bitchy nasty people you know, are they happy? Exactly.

By buying these magazines we are saying that we deserve this. That they are right, that they are perfectly correct to tell us that the “flabby belly” of chantelle is wrong.

Pfff….of course it is wrong Now magazine, I wish all of these women who have carried babies would stop milking it and just stick their fingers down their throats and go back to “normal” body sizes. How very dare they not be size zeros!…Because, you know, skinny people make a country and the world a much more successful and happy place, just ask Ethiopia, they are always banging on about women s bodies and becoming a fatty,fatty, fat, fat…( blatant sarcasm there people!blatant sarcasm)

So basically ladies, now magazine and the other tripe magazines out there are full of shit ( well actually, I presume not as obviously none of their staff must eat therefore have no need to excrete solids…) And if all you have to worry about in life is the size of your body and what people think of it, you must be the luckiest son of a gun in the world…otherwise, ignore this shit and focus your time and attention on the things that really matter, like being nice to each other and getting these idiots off their own pedestals and making the world an even better place.

I’m a fatty in their eyes and thank fuck for that, it must mean I have a personality and bigger things to worry about than what they think, go me. When my youth goes I will still rock, when theirs go…eekkk 😉 sorting out being skinny AND wrinkles? *snorts* poor puddings…

Stay sassy peeps. You rock. I said so, so it’s true.

BP Xxx

Busy Bee, Meme’s and talking waffle times.

So I have fallen into that trap of getting my self so busy that procrastination is rearing it’s ugly head..ok that’s a lie, we all know procrastination is a beautiful siren, performing a sultry dance whenever anyone gets a task or ten that they have to finish asap.

So these past few weeks I have been collecting my mass pile of projects and sorting them into spread sheets ( oh how exciting is my life. I do party, but only in sensible shoes now, as we know what happens with me and shoes. It’s an abusive relationship I just keep going back to)

If I am honest though, I am finding that the fog is lifting and organisation is in fact, rather attractive. As my job is mainly online, it can get quite hectic and long winded at points…The internet never sleeps and so sometimes, if I am dealing with other countries, my working hours can get confusing, but it improves your knowledge of the world which is nice. As the world is pretty depressing at times too, I have decided instead to share some of the funniest things I have found on the internet today. Don’t say I am not proactive and uplifting!

You know I like gif’s, you know I like Pictures. If you don’t I have filled you in that I do, so here is some internet merriness-

Grumpy Cat Meme’s-

I don’t know why I find this one so funny, but I really , really do love it <3

Grumpy Cat is a Chap. I do love a chap old Bean –

I adore Beyonce, but this Meme is too funny!-

Cat Meme’s in general make me laugh-

So very true, how do you explain what is a Meme?-

HA!-

Now all I am going to hear is that lyric in that song…

Vin. Mona.

Oh this story was far too funny, bless the lady!-

funny memes

I actually howled at this one, I do rather <3 Downton abbey –

And now we know guys!-

Rightio, I must continue to actively do productive things such as spend time with spreadsheets and other wonderful forms of software! Feel free to send me your Meme’s!

Love, love Bp Xx

 

LND Mayhem

So BP is in London making it even more fierce, and I mean more so than this –

Apologies for being so quiet as of late. I have a very early rise in the morning followed by a loooong commute. Then all my  free time is spent house hunting, which as you can imagine is as close to fun as you can get without actually having any fun! Thus far I have missed an  appointment to a dream room due to clamping of car ( only my boyfriend could achieve this on the one day it really mattered bless him) and then been refused a room in the nicest house ever as I had a boyfriend. Seriously..what do they think I would I do? Have filthy, naked, monkey like sexy time on the kitchen table whilst they ate breakfast?!

Anyway what have I been up too? Well this sums it up –

Living in London

As I have a little time before my beautiful bestie Beave gets back I will share my first part of “Rules of riding the tube”

Part One- 

Rule 1.

Always, ALWAYS get the metro or time out magazine when you can. There is nothing quite like staring at the same tube advertisement for STD checks or over 50’s vitamins for an hour to confirm why you must do this or dare break the eternal code of never looking at another passenger the eye…when in a severe rush and unable to grab a reading prop you can always repeat what I saw one girl do, and just stand staring at the door for 40 minutes with your back to the whole cabin the whole time. Now that’s dedication.

Rule 2.

Unlike the rest of the country, you’re allowed to be as big of a twat as you want on public transport, as it’s every man for themselves unless being a twat means walking really slowly or getting in my way. If that happens I don’t care who you are ( Rhianna)  I am pushing you outta my way, kapeesh?

Rule 3. 

Learn to breathe through your mouth. Just trust me on this one. There is BO and there is London tube BO.

Rule 4. 

Learn to expect the unexpected and pretend it’s perfectly normal.

Any how I hear the drunkard foot steps of my roomie stumbling up the stairs so that is all for now! Once sorted home wise I can finally share the magic that was Snowdon with you all and actual updates etc etc until then, if anyone has a house in Ealing they would like to give me, please send it my way!

Love you all long time BBz.

BP Xx

Oh BTW- 

I’m Moving, Whoot whoot! <3

Hello Darlings!

I’m here, I’m alive and no, the mountain didn’t do it. In actual fact I dun got me a new job and I am relocating to sunny old London town. I know, it’s so exciting * girlish squeal* So yes, I have been rather busy trying to sort my life out with very little time.  I am rather chuffed to be going on a new adventure though.

Whoot, Whoot! Packing off the bunny tag for pastures new.

As you can imagine, it’s been all systems go but it’s all good fun, or at least I am trying to tell myself that! Thus far I have discovered a strong passion for vacuum storage bags ( the greatest invention after the wheel) and been caught uttering a few intense, tear filled goodbyes to soon to be departed items of clothing.  I  have beer too, so it’s not all bad-

 

I’m feeling pretty crazed whilst speedily packing up my flat ( all without any procrastination, such as writing blog posts, taking place) I am also managing to fit in moments of sheer panic and elation , sometimes at the same time-

My flat now looks like a bomb has hit it so  I’d better hop off to the rest of the bunnypudding packing party, where the gang are getting into the groove.

Promise to completely fill you all in on everything asap BBz, wish me luck. <3

BP xX

Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels ( Other Than Food)

Bullshit.

Yes skinny feels really good for a bit, then you get hungry, groggy  angry and just irate  Then the only thing that feels better than hungry feels is, well, eating.

It’s a fact .

This makes me sad, so very sad –

The above is not sexy. I am climbing a mountain on Saturday to rise money to feed starving people fatter than this. I’m not judging, I get it. I really understand those who are mentally ill. And not in a “I totally get rap as I have a black friend” way. I’ve been there, felt it, seen it, smelt it and watched it in others too. What I don’t get are industries that tell the little younglings in my life that the above statement is something to aspire too, and is a mark of success. It isn’t. Did the suffragettes worry about their weight? Mother Theresa?  Why does the media promote the belief that success is achieved when a woman finally achieves complete and utter “thinness” , and in the process for an extra bonus , completely and willingly make themselves disappear? Notice how the picture hides her face? She’s just a body. A shell. She’s not a person. She’s achieved “perfection” and you don’t even know who she is.

I want more for people.I’d prefer a brain in a jar than a pretty body.Be honest what would you rather take to a desert island? Brain jar to chat to or perfect shell?

Just a ponder…Night night BBz Xx

It’s Time We Discussed HONK! ( I Don’t Just Mean As In Honking Boobies!)

Hello Beautiful people! I have the pleasure and privilege of joining the wonderful Team Honk in a sponsored climb of Snowden ( yes as in the mountain, and before you ask my boyfriend will be on hand to provide medical care 5 minutes into my climb)

 

 

Please make us look very busy and important ( and more importantly give a little to those in dire need who live around us and in the third world. Me and the boy will ♥ you long time if you do and yes, if we hit our target I will post pictures of me crying/passing out/eating all the minty energy biscuits before we have even left! sponsor us here –

 

http://my.rednoseday.com/sponsor/emmacarney

 

I appreciate your support and look forward to blogging about my adventures!….I also get to fulfil a little blogging dream of mine, I get to meet some of my beloved UK Mummy and Daddy bloggers…SO FOOKING EXCITED ( I’d have to be to be willing to do exercise!)

Hope you’ve had a great weekend BBz and shall be posting my new interviews and London adventures soon..on another note I will be in London March 3rd-5th does anyone have any advice on any people or companies willing to meet with me about helping get promotion and funding for my charity? Can’t give too much details away but very, very exciting time ahead. All advice welcomed  <3

 

Love love <3

Update- Monday Carnage Part trois

Trois as in page Rank 3! 

I am not ashamed to say that when I first noticed it I took a screen shot as I thought it was just a glitch in the tool bar. After 42 refreshes I realised it may in fact be my real rank..so Yey!

Thank you all for reading my random warbling’s and I promise there’s plenty more to come <3 Thank you BBz!

To show my appreciation please enjoy this delightful film about a teeny tiny piglet-

Stroking a cute owl whilst cackling manically on a Monday.

Where on earth has the weekend gone? The floozy. Showing off her wears for all to see on Friday eve only to scoot off faster than an irate badger commeth Sunday morn.  I have no idea where my weekend has gone, part of it obviously fell into the pit of  alcohol ( you Queen of the harpies you) and a bit contributed to time spent appreciating le bed ( you feathery siren) otherwise I have lost several hours and wish to have them back.

It’s safe to say things have been moving fast this week and I have been able to recover from the snow delay and will be posting my first interviews soon. (hoo fucking ray!) In other news, I have no other news, which in my book is always a good thing.

Monday commeth

As for the rest of this evening I will mainly be manically googling pictures of cute owls. Why? Look, LOOK-

I dare you NOT to go and Google further pictures of cute owls after that.

or sneezy pandas-

Good night BBz <3

Monday and the Rainbow Horse of Happyville

Whoot Whoot!

Today was Monday. Monday, sucked ass. Correction, Monday morning sucked ass as I now feel that Monday in fact kicketh ass. Either way Monday featured a lot of ass references.

Kim Kardashian’s Butt (55 pics)

I’m having one of those dilemmas at the minute, where it appears no matter how hard I work I just can’t seem to make progress, it’s like walking through wet sand except I wasn’t given warning of the weather conditions and therefore didn’t have chance to purchase crazy patterned wellies to cheer my cockles as my feet get metaphorically wet. I am determined to get on top of it this evening and once completed I will be riding the rainbow horse to happyville complete with a bottle of rioja and shiny shimmery hair full of erm, magic dust,

or I may just put my onesie on and eat crisps, haven’t quite decided yet.

In other news, one of my besties recently mentioned this little ditty and now I have this on repeat:

Winning.