I was all snuggly in bed when I was suddenly brought out of my semi doze by the familiar and dreaded sound of buzzing. I awoke and saw a flying dot drive straight for my lamp. “Please, for the love of all things natural be a blue bottle” I thought. But I knew deep down what that noise belonged too. A bloody fat wasp that’s what.
Thinking fast, I ran out of my room to obtain a can of dry shampoo that I had left in the living room. Now call peta if you want, but this bugger was either leaving the way it came, or dying in a haze of tropical aroma. To put it bluntly, I would save anything else living but I fooking hate wasps. The cocky bastards. They are always ruining days in the beer garden, when you can’t eat a bag of scampi fries with out one of the bastards floating about, looking for a opportunity to fuck me off, and there was thattime which I dread to recall –
I have literally just seen a #wasp eat some left over chicken off a plate. kill it.kill it fire. #nightmares for me tonight.
It’s still out there somewhere. Even worse, it ate peri peri chicken and didn’t even show once that it felt the heat. Hard as nails. The hulk of the insect world.
So with this prior knowledge, I brought up all of my strength and just ran into my room, using the door as a shield and sprayed in the direction of the humming. After a few minutes I heard a plop and a frazzle. Then nothing.
And then I waited some more.
“Phrew” I thought, tripidly walking over to where the great wasp warrior had fallen. On my lamp’s energy saving light bulb.
I almost felt bad until two seconds later I heard a bloody buzz again, looking up to see another of the bastards had come through the window.
“Damn you summer evenings!” I cried and ran forth to protect my territory. Can of dry shampoo in hand and rage in my belly, It took a few minutes but it felt like a life time, as previously mentioned, wasps are hard nuts. Eventually it gave up and so, here I am writing about my great wasp war with my windows closed, getting hot and flustered and unable to sleep.
Tis the weekend Peeps, and I hope that you have something exciting planned. Me? I’ve had pizza in bed for breakfast and may leave this house later to attend one more public. Nothing more exciting, as the boy goes back to his new posting on Monday…booo! but still, I’m #rocknroll baby!
So rather than bombard this blog with a zillion feminist posts a week I thought I’d condense it down into one bite size weekly post, because you know, not everyone gives a shit and that is fine. If you’re just here for the meme’s, I’ll keep em’ coming.
Please feel free to send me anything interesting that you think I would like or, just post it on the facebook group found here
First up, the ever wonderful Laura Bates with this great article about “can you have a feminist wedding ?”
I’d love to hear thoughts on this one as I am often asked my views on marriage, but that is a completely different blog post ( great avoiding of the whole marriage issue there BP, keep it up! ) I’ll also throw in this article from the guardian about men wanking not being thatuncommon in public ( I can confirm, it isn’t) Connect more with Ms bates on her everyday sexism project.
Females and science is the topic of the day this Sunday in Southbank ( 29th June) 12 – 3pm. If these ladies are the first people you think of when you hear the phrase “female scientists” –
Look Bbz I get it myself, feminism is bloody confusing and can feel like a minefield. I really, really hear you. I get sniffed at by other so called feminists all the time but what I know is just read, think and decide where you stand before you start to worry about all the other opinions out there and just try to be helpful..and not preachy. No body likes a soap box hog.
How was Christmas, good? Bad? Ugly? Look, I ain’t judging if the only way you managed to cope is through copious amounts of booze or online shopping. I get it. I too have a family, and I know it can feel like WW3 when your all get together.
My Christmas was fabulous ( thank you for asking!) and I had a great time with the BP family getting trollied on Turkey and any alcohol we could find.
If you had a rubbish Christmas, booo urns! I am sending love and hope that you have a better one next year…
So I know I have been a bit quiet as of late but it has mainly been down to my new job and the fact that I live in London, my family is up north and my Partner is in the armed forces, therefore, my free time is minimal or spent on the tube getting annoyed at other fellow commuters.
As it Christmas I need to provide you with a Christmas rant ( I know how you all love my inarticulate rants) So what caught my eye today was a post by blogger English mum on facebook, which is of the latest NOW! Magazines cover.
*trigger warning* – you will want to punch someone in the face.
Look, I will keep this brief. WOMEN IN PUBLISHING YOU NEED TO STOP POLICING WOMEN’S BODIES.
Secondly, women of the world, there is nothing “normal” about putting other women down to make you feel “normal“. In fact, that is the absolute height of being fucked up and makes you weak, insecure and a bully. Before you argue, think of all the bitchy nasty people you know, are they happy? Exactly.
By buying these magazines we are saying that we deserve this. That they are right, that they are perfectly correct to tell us that the “flabby belly” of chantelle is wrong.
Pfff….of course it is wrong Now magazine, I wish all of these women who have carried babies would stop milking it and just stick their fingers down their throats and go back to “normal” body sizes. How very dare they not be size zeros!…Because, you know, skinny people make a country and the world a much more successful and happy place, just ask Ethiopia, they are always banging on about women s bodies and becoming a fatty,fatty, fat, fat…( blatant sarcasm there people!blatant sarcasm)
So basically ladies, now magazine and the other tripe magazines out there are full of shit ( well actually, I presume not as obviously none of their staff must eat therefore have no need to excrete solids…) And if all you have to worry about in life is the size of your body and what people think of it, you must be the luckiest son of a gun in the world…otherwise, ignore this shit and focus your time and attention on the things that really matter, like being nice to each other and getting these idiots off their own pedestals and making the world an even better place.
I’m a fatty in their eyes and thank fuck for that, it must mean I have a personality and bigger things to worry about than what they think, go me. When my youth goes I will still rock, when theirs go…eekkk 😉 sorting out being skinny AND wrinkles? *snorts* poor puddings…
Stay sassy peeps. You rock. I said so, so it’s true.
Great Guest post from the amazing Jade, please let us know your thoughts, and if you agree sign the petition!-
So, them pesky gays are at it again, the faggots, lezzers, homos, the dykes, the trannies all hell bent on flaunting their own sexuality. At least that’s what some would have us believe.
It’s true that many countries have moved forward and legalised gay marriage, it’s true that in many of those countries there has been some degree of progress toward simple acceptance. However, to put forward an argument that ‘gays’ flaunt or propagandise their sexuality is an argument that seems at the very least misguided, and at worst fundamentally and blindly prejudice.
Hetro sex sells! We apparently know it and the marketeers of this world certainly think they know it, age old adverts flaunting a hetro idea of sexuality have been rammed down out throats since…some bloke thought of it!
We see tits, buff, muscle flex, hairless, smooth, skeletal, snogging, semi shagging hetro couples adorning billboards, magazine covers,adverts and gratuitously engaging in rambunctious behaviour of a sexual nature on our tv, Internet, magazines, newspapers and movie screens.
Do I hear any shouts for propagandising or flaunting overtly sexualised images of a hetro nature? Well yes, but not from the same group who think its a valid argument for defending their own bigoted opinions whilst comfortable oggling page three!
What is propagandising homosexuality? Seems ambiguous to me. Lets look at Russia, while homosexuality was decriminalised in 1993 it would seem that the general opinion that faggots should be burnt at the stake seems to have increased since then. Russian government have passed anti gay legislation that prohibits the propaganda of non traditional sexual relationships to minors, as defined by lawmakers – ‘those relationships that cannot lead to production of offspring’.
It’s possibly important to look at declining birth rates since the collapse of the soviet union. Putin declared 2008 the year of the family and has since ‘propagandised’ Russia’s ideal family unit as being a more traditional heterosexual variety. Vladimir Roslyakovsky, the leader of an Orthodox organisation in the southern Russian city of Saratov, for example, perceives Western opposition to the laws as an attack on Russia itself. He declared “The US goal is that Russians stop having children”.
After these new laws were announced Russia has claimed a 30% birth rate increase. While some might argue its a narrow mind that assumes only a hetro couple can produce happy and healthy offspring – my only answer would be that I’m stating a possible link and that when faced with a vague, incomprehensible law such as the anti propaganda law it is entirely legitimate to be faced with such tenuosity.
We are now embarking on the build up to the Winter Olympics in Sochi 2014, in six months time the worlds eyes will focus on a tournament surrounded by controversy because of a Russian government who appears to believe that persecuting its own LGBT community is a progressive move forward. Much has been said in the media and there have been many reports of horrific crimes against human rights. People have been beaten and arrested for their beliefs, some have been lured to their deaths, violated and murdered.
Russia is a proud and strong nation, its nationals are committed to their nation and its leaders, I therefore doubt they will neither appreciate or respond to pressure. The LGBT community themselves will have a deep routed pride and an ingrained love for being Russian and Russia itself.
Is it reasonable that the IOC is lobbied to move the Winter Olympics to Vancouver? Is it possible to move it to Vancouver? Should we ask what’s happened to the billions of pounds missing from the Olympic committee fund? Should we boycott? What will happen to the athletes that have worked their entire lives for this chance to shine. Should we ask the athletes themselves to show solidarity with Russia’s LGBT community? Should the Olympics even be held in countries who abuse human rights? What about this apparent waste of good booze?! Should team GB wear rainbow colours, a pin, an armband. Nick Symmonds won gold in track at the world athletics and dedicated it to his gay and lesbian friends. New Zealander Blake Skjellerup has no intention of being forced back into the closet, Johnny Weir is an openly gay figure skater that happens to be married to a Russian-American, he will be competing and he does not support a boycott. Is visibility in Sochi a feasible protest? Pole vaulter Emma Green-Tregaro has been forced to re paint her nails at the world athletics. Julian clary would like to give skiing a good go and spare a thought for a Winter Olympics without commentary from Claire Balding!
Social media is alive with condemnation, disgust and alarm. Mr Stephen Fry has eloquently done his bit with his twitter masses and mr George Takei has given the facebookers something to think about. Boy George and DR Christian have declared their support for Russian Human rights activist Nikolai Alexeyev who has condemned western media for misrepresenting the situation and has been the subject of homophobic attacks. Gay Tory MP Margot James has made a statement calling for gay fans to make their presence known in Sochi. Gay Liberal Democrat MP Stephen Williams encouraged British athletes to protest at medal ceremonies.
I merely spent a nerve wracking ten minutes on local radio last week, trying desperately not to stumble over words whilst all the time sitting in a privileged position, comfy. No one questions my sexuality, no one condemns it, no one has ever persecuted me for it. However it still shocks me to my core and sickens my stomach that humans can treat other humans in such a brutal and savage way simply because they love. Because of who they are. Who they were born to be, much like Olympians.
What will you do? You have a voice! You can share, you can tweet, you can show the LGBT community in Russia they are not alone. You can sign the petitions, you can lobby your MP. You can shout out that its not ok!
Not too long ago I posted this image on my facebook-
The model above is, according to the social media grape vine, a new design used by the Swedish H&M ,where they have several sizes throughout the store ranging from size 14 ( the average size of most women it turns out) and under. Hurrah! I hear many of you cry ( mainly the average percentage of women who at last are being represented in high street stores) but I kid you not, there is a big old “boo- urns” to this story also
As some areas of the media have decided to get all health conscious and state that “normalising” this size promotes obesity.
Just no. Shut the fuck up, pack up your desk and feel free to dramatically slam the door behind your ass, because I am about to RANT and it isn’t going to be purdy…not that it needs to be, as my rants are independent rants who dress to please no man or woman.
So you’re telling me that an average sized model in high street stores is going to make a bunch of women run to Maccys D’s or whatever fast food joint is nearest ( and has a chair lift) and happily stuff their faces with as much saturated fat as possible? All because suddenly the style of shop mannequins have magically caught up with what women in society would LIKE to see reflected on the highstreet, rather than what is forced upon them? Seriously, I am going to have to list, YES LIST some of reasons why that point is one big cluster fuck.
1. Do you think women are that stupid? No really? Are you honestly being that patronising about how our multitasking brains work?! Do you think that we walk around wearing peepers on all day not looking at AVERAGE sized women on the street?! Think about it you stupid dumb asses. Seeing larger sized women in the flesh all day, every day doesn’t make women turn obese, so why the hell would a shop mannequin do so?
2. You are aware you have just offended the largest group of women in the world?The size 14 and above? Look dude, in this fight you’re on your own. In fact I am going to hand you over to the lynch mob myself.
3. What part of AVERAGE don’t y0u understand?…more people realise they can wear clothes, more people buy clothes. Therefore more money in the pockets of companies.
4. Sooooooo, based on that *ahem* for use of a better word “logic” you’re telling me that the larger sized models promote unhealthy lifestyles and the tenny tiny size 0 models aren’t in anyway, shape or form increasing the rates of anorexia, eating disorders and low self esteem among women?
As is the head of the negative media in this story! Pff
In summary- younglings, oldings and lady like things in between, please, please, PLEASE ignore this bullshit. We get bombarded every single day with images and taunting telling us that we are not good enough, but what they never tell us is- NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR WHAT!? I work in marketing not in Hollywood, why the hell do I need to be a size zero? Shouldn’t a stay at home mother be, you know, looking after her children rather than having a panic attack that someone may see her in the street not looking like model? I don’t know about you but I prefer my surgeons to be operating on me rather than using the apparatus to apply lipstick as *shock* they look unattractive in their human fluid smeared scrubs. Seriously, think about it..who are these people and why the FOOK do we think they are right? They are obviously thick as pigs shit and have nothing bigger to worry about in their lives. Sorry for the excessive swearing but I am that bloody angry when it comes to this.
I think Tina Fey says it best –
And on that depressing note, PREGNANT Kim Kardashian was recently criticised for looking fat this week in the media. Yes, that happened. Who does she think she is getting fat when shes with child? slacker.
Basically, can the last woman on the planet we call Earth please turn the lights off? The rest of us are going back to Venus, as this is bullshit.