Anxiety,ahoy! Life Lessons on Unfucking yourself

Hi Huns,

I am currently lying on my bed with deep heat rub on my stomach as I can’t find the hot water bottle or pain killers, feeling sorry for myself. Yip, it’s that time of the month and yip, I am as irritable as hell. The best thing about this whole experience is the overwhelming despair I’ve had for three days. Hu-fucking-rah. Therefore, rather than allow myself to fall into the hormonal (or maybe emotional, ala my last post – we can never be too sure these days) pit of despair, I thought I’d make myself feel better by laying here on my bed in my flowing bathrobe surrounded by both cats – like the old Victorian lady I really am and share some life lessons with you beautiful creatures.

funny period meme

Today’s life lessons are about how to attempt to stop hurting yourself and not allowing other fuckers to do so. Basically, how to not “chase the pain”- which is something I am no professional in but happen to be the super, bestest, greatest, so “good I got a masters in it”, at chasing within my own life. What can I say, I gotz skillz.

So, what is chasing the pain? Sometimes in life situations such as jobs, relationships and friendships, we stay in situations that are not healthy for us. It’s where we encourage and allow/repeat negative behaviours which then begin to rule our lives. Where we allow ourselves to believe the negative thoughts or even, seek out more as we feel safer being disappointed more than we do on moving forward. Below are a few examples of red flags which you may be able to spot in your own behaviours and how you can change your future actions or even, just leave the situation. I start a bit light hearted but my god, its true!

If it makes you consult your tarot deck/horoscope/any other “clarity craft” about this subject more than once a month, it’s probably not the best thing for you

mae west funny fortuneteller meme

“Will they come back into my life?”

“Will they finally give me a pay raise after two years”…

“Are they going to get their comeuppance”

You know exactly what I am talking about, Susan – if you’re seeking clarity on a situation you are in from elsewhere, then go find something/someone else that wants to keep you informed, enlightened and appreciated without resorting to constantly seeking third party.. If you have to attempt to make sense of the actions of something or someone constantly, then the subject you’re asking for advice on is probably a massive bellend rather than anything else at play in the situation. You should always know where you stand.

If it makes you cry, it’s not a healthy situation to be in.

kim kardashian crying meme

Honestly, anything that makes you shed tears regularly isn’t a perfect partner, dream job or best friend. It’s something that is ruining your chances of being happy and being the best you can be. If I thought I made anyone ugly face cry, I’d be a broken woman. Causing emotional damage is never good and anyone who treats people’s feelings like that are basically, walking human buttholes.
Please note if you work in a kitchen with lots of onions, you have a loop here and can jump to the next tip.

Social stalking isn’t smart

stalking

Yes, checking their social media will help you know what your former bestie/lover is up too and that they are alive but we all know it’s going to hurt your little heart when you see them actually happy without you – If they actually cared they would be in touch and as they uploaded pictures from their phone onto their feed – you know it ain’t broke, boo. It’s brutal and I’ve been there and it aches but you know I speaketh the truth.

I’ve had so many friend call me in tears over doing this and of course I’ve done it myself (ok, ok, a lot – consider me an emotional scab picker) and it always hurts. The worst part? How your imagination will then hurt you more than anything else you see on their accounts imaging what they are up too or even worse imagining false knowledge –

“They can’t be happy? I know how sad they really are!”
“They look miserable with them”

The cold hard truth I’ve had to tell them, and myself – If they wanted you in their life, you’d be in their feed and not someone else. Maybe they are those things but either way, you’re not the person they have let know about it. I’m sorry it hurts, poppet.

It’s the same for jobs. If you’ve moved on stop stalking old co-workers or former employers – the only competition you should have is with yourself. So what if they are doing good? You have plenty of time to build your brand and make the career you want to happen.

Now, go make new adventures and take fabulous pictures make positive memories to populate your life and feed with. The best revenge is to live well.

 

If you’re always waiting to be a priority, you are not and are never going to be a priority.

 

priority 1

This is pretty hard to learn and live but it’s so true. If they wanted to keep you on the team they would show you and not offer excuses or false promises. If they saw you as an important friend they would take a second to text back if they knew you were in trouble/sad/acknowledge that you’d tagged them in a very fucking funny meme. If they want to be with you, they will make it known – relationships where someone is always sitting, waiting and wishing are heartbreaking and usually only for one person. What I do know about love is that if it’s true, they would be upset to ever make you feel unimportant, it’s present when it’s with you and it doesn’t go anywhere.

Look after that muscle of yours, it’s a sacred gift to give to anything in your life. Don’t give it to those who don’t appreciate it.

 

If it makes you doubt yourself and be challenged in a negative way constantly – go,go,go!

bye bitch

The biggest critic in your life is actually you, so don’t allow that inner critic to be fed by other negative energies. I have left jobs because of this and it was a hard lesson to learn. Where as before I’d try to be nicer to the bitch, I’d work later to get the project done (even though they over sold it and knew the team couldn’t do it without unpaid over time) I’d do two jobs at once… now I call out crap and vote with my feet. Going freelance can be life changing!

The same should be in relationships. I was in a mentally abuse relationship a long time ago and my God, what those people can do to the strongest of minds and the kindest of hearts. If someone spends all day tell you how shit you are, they are the failure, not you. If you’re that bad why do they bother? Why can’t they be supportive? Just don’t even try to please these people, just leave – anyone who says you would be nothing without them is wrong. I can 100% tell you that you will in fact be sad at first and then happier and stronger than you have ever been before. Listen to me kid, I got ya back. You’re gonna be ok.

Anyway, I am now off to cry/laugh as I watch Will and Grace and drink tea whilst simultaneously hating and loving being a woman at the same time.

Love,Love1

Ps. if any of you are in any negative situations and needs support get in touch as I have a list of fabulous support groups and channels which I am more than happy to share

Hormones and Horoscopes, ahoy!

Warning – I will be discussing periods in this post. If that upsets or offends you, please do fuck off now. Thanks!

pms pms

I happen to be very educated in Horoscopes**, mainly as my Grandmother adored them and used to buy every magazine she could on the subject which in turn, I used to devour every evening after school. I am also partial to an almanac because of her interest in the mystic world and buy one every year, in fact I brought my 2019 one the other day – make of that fact what you will.

For those curious, I am a Pisces with a Sagittarius rising and a Pisces moon  (who is looking for an emotionally available Capricorn*, will settle for not emotionally available Capricorn, a Taurus and/or all water signs, apply via contact form or on the astral plane or just a bar – I’m pretty chilled about it all as well, I’m a Pisces!)

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Anyho – I digress, as the type of Horoscope I want to be discussing today is a Hormone Horoscope. “What is a Hormone Horoscope?” I hear you cry! Well dear reader, it’s something that I have been using to help understand my mental health better. The best part is that you can get it as an app for your phone and it’s free. (see below for recommended apps) 

“Hormone horoscope that reveals what your day will be like based solely on the ups and downs of the hormones in your monthly cycle”

period

One of the joys of being born with a womb is that you get to have your period every few weeks which not only do you have to pay for – because gushing blood every month is super fun and worth every pink tax penny. It can also ruin many a fine pair of underwear as well as play havoc with one’s mental health, its the gift that keeps on giving. Especially, if you’re partial to the odd change in ones level of oestrogen and other lovely chemicals [Spoiler alert] I really, really am. Such an over achiever, I know. 

I am a firm believer in speech therapy and have found talking at someone for a whole hour at a time has actually helped me get to grips with what is actually going on in that beautiful little brain of mine. Sometimes, the councillor even gets to talk back (usually when I am drawing breath) and offers really useful advice. Which is how I discovered this amazing app. My councillor wanted me to begin tracking when I felt at my most anxious and depressed making sure to mark off the dates whilst referring to this app to help figure out how much my mood is affected by hormones and how much is my brain chemistry.

period_memes_01
Now, I am not saying that all my issues are directly connected to my hormones  but they do add to my stress levels if certain things are lower in my system when I am going through a very anxious or depressive phase. Having some insight on when certain items will be low in my body has helped spot patterns of behaviour, as well as make sure I can perform better self care on myself. When my horoscope is “You should be brighter and breeze today as you have high oestrogen in your system” and I am having high anxiety and potentially a little depressive cry as I ponder the bleakness of the void, I can mark that off in my calendar and spot the actual issues with my brain chemistry.

Where as before I could have blamed ye old crimson wave for my low mood, I can now spot when there is something concerning and thus should see a professional. When in doubt, do seek a professional out.

i do not have

Recommended apps:

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/hormone-horoscope-lite/id710914595?mt=8

https://www.myhormonology.com/hormone-horoscope-app-classic/

Fabulous Long read:

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/8qwpja/i-used-my-hormones-as-a-horoscope-and-it-worked

I recommend all my beautiful period having friends get the app , especially if you’re having mental health struggles as it really does help you get a grip of what is happening to you biologically. You’re welcome! 

Let me know what you think below or on ze social media channels…. Until next time beautiful people, stay sassy!

Love,Love1*Sniggers. Ok, Ok is there actually an example of an emotionally available Capricorn? Thought not..(love you really Capricorns…call me!)

**I’m a complete atheist so appreciate the fun of Horoscopes and am aware that there is no science behind them…and *yet* you gotta admit a lot of people are the stereotype of their sign. I’m 100% Pisces and OMG that is as traumatic as it sounds. 

Oh, well look what the Bunnypudding dragged in, herself.

Ahoy there, Sailors!

So it’s been a busy summer here in London Town and I endeavoured to enjoy as much of the sunshine as possible. Making sure to wear the highest factor sun protection and a hat at all times, Natch. Here is a quick run down of some of things I’ve pondering over my Summer break…I guess it’s welcome back, bitches! What have I missed?

 

Second hand clothes whore
I’ve always been a bit of a shopping addict and I especially love whittling down the hours rummaging through people’s throw always hoping to find a “diamond in the rough” as it were. When I do, I make sure to wear it to death. This is especially true of shoes as I am very heavy footed for such a tiny person. My current obsession is blazers and Afghan coats. I can’t get enough of them. BRING THEM TO ME.

Afghan coat fashion

Smug drunk face, ahoy! 

I’ve suddenly redeveloped my eBay habit as well. It’s terrible, especially as now there is an app and I get alerts. Am now going to investigate reselling as I seriously need to declutter my “petite” London flat. I’ll make sure to let you all know when I post anything. I discovered a abandoned mannequin outside the flat not to long ago so I’m going to put it to use*

 

Apathy ahoy!
I always try to be honest about mental health and this year has been a bit of a roller-coaster. By roller coaster, I mean having my heart ripped out and shattered several times. My main affliction currently being depression and apathy. I’m making strides in combating this and being more proactive and I am happy to say it’s doing some good. I have a habit of catastraphising things, which is a common trait in us anxious peeps and I am slowly learning to just take it one day at a time. Not everything that can, does go wrong.

That being said, it currently feels like it is, but again, everything is temporary and it will pass….one hopes.

Me on social media vs me real life

Don’t ever believe what social media tells you BBz – we all struggle <3

 

Cleaning. It’s fucking shit.
House work is wank. I don’t care what anyone else says. Yet, despite its horrors, I am trying to do as much of it as I can but I’m seriously tempted to obtain a cleaner. I mean, technically that would mean my laziness and obtaining of happiness is also supporting the economy, right? That’s surely a positive? Does anyone else have a cleaner? Is it worth the expense?

 

Soup maker and sobriety 
I’ve decided that I need to save money. By decided, I mean that I have no actual choice on the matter and needs must. Therefore, I have made the decision to stop drinking and socialising as much. It’s as much for my health as it is for my bank balance. To fill the time I’ve also decided to stop putting Deliveroo’s kids through college and proactively begin to make shopping lists and meal plans and **GASP** Brought a mother fucking soup maker.

soup maker_LI

It’s a game changer people. I got the one that sautés the onions etc before you, erm…“Soup” in a flash sale on amazon. I’ve honestly discovered a new world of easy food choices AND I can just shove any veg that needs eating and et voila! Sooooup. #grateful I’ve also discovered I make a sensual lentil salad. Recipes welcomed! Post links below.

Sweep stakes open on how long it takes for this health kick to end at the bottom of a bargain bucket and bottle of processco

Chiao chiao

bunnypudding signature

*Not that she isn’t currently at use, she is the proud barer of the Miss Greggs 2017 Sash. She looks stunning.