Hello Monday, wasp is up with you?!


I was all snuggly in bed when I was suddenly brought out of my semi doze by the familiar and dreaded sound of buzzing. I awoke and saw a flying dot drive straight for my lamp. “Please, for the love of all things natural be a blue bottle” I thought. But I knew deep down what that noise belonged too. A bloody fat wasp that’s what.

Thinking fast, I ran out of my room to obtain a can of dry shampoo that I had left in the living room. Now call peta if you want, but this bugger was either leaving the way it came, or dying in a haze of tropical aroma. To put it bluntly, I would save anything else living but I fooking hate wasps. The cocky bastards. They are always ruining days in the beer garden, when you can’t eat a bag of scampi fries with out one of the bastards floating about, looking for a opportunity to fuck me off, and there was that time which I dread to recall –

True story.

It’s still out there somewhere. Even worse, it ate peri peri chicken and didn’t even show once that it felt the heat. Hard as nails. The hulk of the insect world. 

So with this prior knowledge, I brought up all of my strength and just ran into my room, using the door as a shield and sprayed in the direction of the humming. After a few minutes I heard a plop and a frazzle. Then nothing.

I waited.

And then I waited some more.


“Phrew” I thought, tripidly walking over to where the great wasp warrior had fallen. On my lamp’s energy saving light bulb.

I almost felt bad until two seconds later I heard a bloody buzz again, looking up to see another of the bastards had come through the window.

“Damn you summer evenings!” I cried and ran forth to protect my territory. Can of dry shampoo in hand and rage in my belly, It took a few minutes but it felt like a life time, as previously mentioned, wasps are hard nuts. Eventually it gave up and so, here I am writing about my great wasp war with my windows closed, getting hot and flustered and unable to sleep. 

I really, really hate wasps.